Saturday, July 30, 2005


This morning, in fact, as I type this, a family of 6 or so Magpies are chasing a black'n'white cat out of a tree. It's the most most Bizarro alien sound I've ever heard, a cold hard chattering, a sinister laughter, a staccato cackle of sorts. Those who read my forthcoming PLANET OF THE OWLS will understand why I am fascinated by 6 magpies. Evil things they are, evil.

Friday, July 29, 2005


You know how it is. You get up in the morning. Put the toast in the grill. Up it pops browned to perfection. You get out the butter (or low-fat low-salt low-taste spread if you like). You open the cutlery drawer.

No butter knives. They're all in the wash. Out of desperation you take a spoon (you chose one of the flatter ones, as this seems to make more sense) which you use to spread butter onto your toast.

This has happened to me in the past, I am not ashamed. And now, as a spoon spreads butter on toast far more effectively than a standard butter knife, I always spread butter on my toast with a spoon. You get a better coverage, quicker. Sounds like it shouldn't work but try it. It really works.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


No, I've not started my own internet radio broadcasting franchise to rival the late great lamented Howard Stern... (how you doing floating around in space like soem character John Hurt played in CONTACT, Howard? Remember, in space no one can hear you scream!)

They thought they'd killed off Cabbage Patch Doll when they closed down The Midnighters Club but soon a new Cabbage Patch Doll could be starring on a games console in your house. Don't tell the children they've only gone and renamed them to Cabbage Patch Kids (weren't they always so named?). Oh, joy, cutesy interactive product. Don't give the children a best-selling (why?) cuddly toy for Christmas so that they can invent imaginative worlds for themselves. Give them a shit video game so that they can learn to PICK UP KEY then they can learn to FIND DOOR then best of all they can PUT KEY IN DOOR.


What do I wanna see as the next great interactive franchise on PS3 Xbox360 and Revolution? Scoobi Dou. Hours of silent entertainment soon-to-be wrecked by interactive whiny-character, plot-driven narrative and skull-thumping muzak.

Monday, July 25, 2005


I'd like to announce a public THANK YOU to Web Nymph for their support of this blog in this minefield we call the internet.

I found my blog's RSS feed featured on their site the other day - nice surprise.

Sunday, July 24, 2005


simply the most energising SLASH/THRASH/DEATH metal album ever - all classic tracks, all of them.

[1] 742617000027
[2] (sic)
[3] Eyeless
[4] Wait and Bleed
[5] Surfacing
[6] Spit It Out
[7] Tattered & Torn
[8] Frail Limb Nursery
[9] Purity
[10] Liberate
[11] Prosthetics
[12] No Life
[13] Diluted
[14] Only One
[15] Scissors

who will take Slipknot's hallowed place now that they've matured/mellowed beyond their angry roots?


Publishers, please stop sponsoring the same old shit.

I've looked highbrow/shopshelf and I've looked small press/online - but I can't find any fiction book that will hold my attention for more than a couple of pages without me being a) disgusted by that rancid cold porridge b) bored by the characters/stories/motivation c) bored, just bored by the eternal need for narrative 'resolution'. That's not how life is, it's certainly NOT how I want the books I read to fucking work. I want to be surprised, delighted, aggressed, made impotent by a great book - I want to be truly stunned into silence, like I've been struck in teh forebrain by a million-volt cattle prod. But that so rarely happens, even drug-spiked stylists like Jeff Noon don't do it for me anymore.

What is it that REAL writers are doing when they write? Are they really only happy when they're pandering to some illusory audience, making sales, marketing their product? Those fucking idiots who preach, "my only role is to my reader". Idiot, fuck your brainless reader. He doesn't matter, doesn't know what he wants, is no valuer of quality. He'll let you down when he runs out of cash. He'll discover something else, some new+better formalist. Your genre will fail, please let your genre fail, it's all you deserve in the first place. Your 'inspiration' will abandon you. That's always the way it is. Flavours of ice cream come and go, like Empires.

Pistachio Politics anyone? Too retro for you? Try good old Vanilla Fiction, A B C, 1 2 3, AKA the new Chocolate-mint Propaganda.

Well, lesson learned? The writer must ALWAYS put himself first in this, his only, chance to put himself and thoughts and and characters and their anecdotes down on paper. All that we are is art - any fool tells you any different will be forgotten by history. It's inevitable. Where are those truly personal writers I really need to read? When will some brave publisher release a DESTINY WEST novel, for example?

Yours, in desperation.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005


I wrote the Planet of the Owls novella (30,000 words) last summer round about this time. It was set in Oxford after a great global cataclysm involving the birds of the Earth. It was a very personal (first person account) of an environmental and spiritual disaster. I was very happy with it, but for me it seemed a) a bit short as a single project and b) a bit unfinished in the grand scheme of the Angel Heirarchy back story.

Today, I started the second part. Set in a small village near Beijing, we follow a young girl as she comes to terms with the global disaster as seen through the eyes of her captive (and experimented on) race, the Chinese. This should take the Planet of the Owls book to a more respectable and meaty 60,000 words. Nice plot twists in store for the reader; oh, yes.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


With recent news that the speed of light AND the Big Bang theory have both been thrown into question, I thought it only fair and proper that I (once again) roll out my alternate reality theory and see how much of that shit sticks.

The HC Unit is a theory of atomic rings I've been formulating (on and off) for about the last twenty years. It started when I wrote a fake-science article for DEMENTIA13 (a UK alternative-fiction mag) back in 1985. That was a lot of fun. But then I got the bug and couldn't let this fake-science idea go. Basically, the HC Unit Schematic describes a radically new way to look at atoms and their ionic interactions. Not only that but the HC Unit theory proposes that light travels backwards and is not a 'photon'ic scattering effect but a Universal Equillibrium 'fill-in' effect.

HC1 describes Hydrogen, showing how the cyclic nature of the HC Unit offers radicality and 'electron pairing' to the universe. HC72 describes the fourth Nobel gas Krypton... still awake? Well, in layman's terms, you don't need protons, neutrons OR electrons to form atoms.

Click on the image to see the full resolution schematic - it's a doozy!

Friday, July 15, 2005


I don't think Palin's much of an art critic/historian (Janusczak is the master) but last night's Discovering the real Vilhelm Hammershoi programme on BBC1 (10:35 PM) was a delightful journey through Palin's longing to get to the truth of a most enigmatic Danish artist.

The surprise was that Hammeshoi indulged himself in not just Greek abandon and secret cabals but the ecclectic variety of his art; the immense but naive nudes, the cold portraits, the Vermeer-esque settings, the alluring back of his angry wife's neck, the astonishingly accomplished pencil sketches, the haunted countryside, the forgotten tops of buildings, the lost farmyards - his composition and technique were totally jaw-dropping.

For me, it's the pictures of empty rooms that would be the perfect Hammershoi exhibition to wander round, alone and pensive. History, how could you forget one of the greats; one of the real artists?


I was recommended this DVD by my mate Joe, a film by the name of THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT - it took me months to finally get down to viewing it, but I'm so glad I did.

Here's the review of this film on Mystery/Thriller/Horror site

FOOTNOTE: Feo didn't like this FIRST draft and asked me to beef the fucker up and, as my first draft focussed solely on Kutcher, send in a better draft that more reflected the group activity of film making (which I thought was great editorship) and why it deserved its five freakgirls out of five score. I did the revised/expanded version and sent it in for approval. Then he goes and publishes the first draft, after all. *shrugs*

Wednesday, July 13, 2005


Rather than having the books down the right-hand-side of the index page, I have just added a proper STORE page to Mike Philbin Online. There are now TEN books to purchase. I didn't realise I'd had so many published.

There's a short sample to read for all books - you can try before you buy.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005


It's a strange question: what did you become?

It's an intriguing question for a creative (or any flavour of human being, really) to ask himself. What did you become? You know, we all have our own ideas of what we wanna achieve with our art/writing/films/songs/whatever... but anything you do is a creative process. Tinker, tailor, candlestick maker, they're all legitimate methods of existence within or against a pre-scribed society. Bomb-maker, radical, pillar of society - all these modes of life have an ulterior aspect. How can you ever tell if you're doing the right thing, now? The thing that you'll be remembered for?

I guess this question is a useless one - you are what you became.

Saturday, July 09, 2005


The Dream People e-zine in collusion with the Mondo Bizarro network are running a feature on the horror writers they most respect. Compiled by Dustin La Valley from recent one-on-ones, this group interview is based on three basic questions:

1) How were you introduced to the world of horror?
2) How has the horror field affected your life?
3) Where do you see the horror field in your life in the years to come?

I wasn't actually aware that this group interview was gonna happen, and I'm not sure my responses answered those three specific questions, such that my three sections are subtitled:

1) Nature Programmes.
2) Prejudice, anger, derision, offers of lynching, jealousy, hatred, stalking.
3) Evolution or Revolution.

You can read the whole group interview - consisting of responses from Mike Purfield, Stephanie Simpson-Woods, Mike Arnzen, Nancy Jackson and myself here.


Friday, July 08, 2005


Written over the last few weeks each Thursday and Friday morning (for writing schedule reasons) the 9,000 word long-short children's story THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF DIERDRA OPENHOUSE, DREAM DETECTIVE is now finished.

It was great fun to write something that was specifically aimed at a pre-teen/early-teen market, while being a bit freakish and still a little horrific (within the pre-scribed age limit). I got my eight-year-old daughter to edit and content check the thing, so it's guaranteed kosha for the under-nines - however it must be noted that she is a BIG Roald Dahl fan and did complain on a number of occassions that it wasn't "that scary".


Wednesday, July 06, 2005


Because of my non-existent Russian language skills, I don't know who these guys are, but I found a link from their (horror?) forum - where they were freely promoting my shit with links to this blog and to the website.


I suspect that (as the Russian poster's sig was 'per ardua ad fossam') it's more a fan of James Havoc's writing - that sig was on one of the gravestones on one of the opening panels of my graphic-novel interpretation of Havoc's RAISM (the songs of Gilles de Rais).

If I could speak Russian, I'd probably be cheeky enough to invite the poster to start my Russian fan club.



Yeah, it's true. Get over it, Paris.



My recent story BROTHERLY LOVE @, so the editor Dan C Rinnert tells me, is now the #1 most read horror story on his database. This great honour gets me a feature link in the SFFH SIDE BAR (!). And this from a story that was written (and initially marketed, hey Ellen?) as a sci-fi story. The world is a strange shimmering golden-hued suspension-of-disbelief at times like these.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005


Happy Independence Day Transmission:

At 12 o'clock midnight of this July 4, 2005, the penultimate episode of 12-part online saga "ELI-X, FUCK STAR" went live at Apocalypse Fiction's website somewhere in post-nuclear holocaust mid-America.

My, What Big Eyes You Have Grandma by Mike Philbin and MF Korn.

Sunday, July 03, 2005


Anouncement of future online chat event @ THE WRITER'S CHATROOM.

Audrey Shaffer, Glenn Walker's partner in the Writers Chatroom, has just confirmed that I will be the feature writer on Wednesday the 17th August 2005 (funnily enough exactly a year since the death of Hertzan Chimera, and it's been quite a year so far).

The Chat is provisionally scheduled to kick-off at 2pm EST that means about 8 pm Greenwich Mean time. It's a very structured chat environment with the host welcoming the chatters and introducing the author for the first 15 minutes, then fielding questions from the chatters and formally pitching the questions. The chat is due to last about 2 hours. Should be great fun. Make a note in your calendars, trolls and fans; this is your chance to interface with me, virtually face-to-face.

Saturday, July 02, 2005


misogynist, atheist, terrorist

three simple words to strike fear into the heart of any God-fearing, society-compliant blinker-visionist.

Get your mad verbs, your crazy nouns and slightly skew-wiff adjectives around this thought. You are all being controlled by BIG BROTHER. It happened while you were asleep. You believe the hype, you buy the trainers. You believe.

I want belief-destroying narratives that will literally rip normal minds from their skulls. Tell the world to wake up and smell all morning beverages. Pontificate about the role of modern reality as you've never done before. Give birth to the future of horror, push beyond sci-fi, send in the mysteries of the liberated universe.

As with the first two books, I'll choose 23 stories and I am a hands-on editor, not a REJECTION-slip-lazy editor. Chimeraworld #3 will be a paperback publication through Cyber Pulp Books. Submission window 1-30 September 2005. 3,000 words or less. Equal royalty split - yes. Reprints - no. Esubs - only. Format - word .doc or .rtf, times roman, 12 point, single space, add address, email and word count to first page.

submission email: mike @ hertzan chimera . com (remove the spaces - send only in September 2005)